Two Appleseeds in Washington Weekend...

Will teach, and learn and tell the story.

Hope y'all stay safe, and in Liberty and Love abide.

Remember what is really important, it isn't on the internet nor the electronic noise. But you have a great opportunity for a great life, don't waste this shot.

I know what you are thinking.... don't I?

As I am listening to the Blues, postponing my breakfast, getting the rifle out for dry fire... yes, dry fire -the only ammunition I can afford on fixed income (I need a job). Anyway, I had a thought that I should share...

since I fling my wisdom around constantly.

You cannot affect the shot you have finished. It is over and done with. If you called it, and checked and it was where you called it - then it counts. Maybe not as well as you wanted, but you will figure out why it is where it landed and adjust, or go off and study a bit more - then practice making your shots even better. The next shot is the one that you have all the control over... except for freak storms, hurricane force winds, dust, plague of locust, sweat in your eye, sudden shot next to you, hot brass under your collar, mechanical malfunction or ammunition failure (since your handloading wasn't up to professional standards). You will settle into a proper position, check your natural point of aim (where the body and the rifle will hit the target, not where your mind says they should). Found it! Sight alignment, sight picture, respiratory pause - focus on the front sight, focus the mind on keeping the front sight on target, squeeze - SHOT BREAKS! - follow through, call that shot slowly release the held back trigger to the reset point.... then get on to the next shot.

All that is left over from my last Appleseed as I get prepared for my next Appleseed.

In life we learn to work with over and around other beings, with the intent of achieving our own goals. Aggression is defensive and offensive to the point of bullying amusement, but good manners, humble and submissive postures are all learned with the same objective - getting what one wishes and wants out of life.

My mother always said she 'knew what you are thinking' when confronting me over something she wanted to change... but I figured out that my mother was writing the story of her life constantly, and in the chapter she was writing about whatever was happening to us - she did know what we were thinking, she had written it and was reading and acting it out. So of course she 'knew'. There were many confrontations and temper flares - she didn't always know what I knew (she had never been a boy trying to make it to manhood) and then sometimes she knew exactly what I was thinking and trying to hide - that would really make me angry.

Frustration and anger are part of the defense system, brings the blood pressure up, hormone releases and preparation for fight or flee or freeze. But they don't help taking a shot, and allowing them to get in control of your life and quest for your goals doesn't make it easy...

Stop, think about what is important and start that shot over... you do want to be loved, respected and in control of your own life and choices. The only thing you can really affect is yourself - you have no control over weather, the type of day others have had before you showed up, how they heard your words, how they feel about your attitude, dude. Leading with a very light rein seems to work well with some animals... I do know that being clean, shaven with one's teeth in and smiling gently will be better than fool grinning and laughing out loud before you have established contact with the other and know how they are doing. And if you were Earl with an almost constant firm face (read frowning viciously) you might make others think you are angry, which drives the herd mad quickly.

If you want love and attention, you will have to give love - giving someone a fat lip will only encourage them to block better next time and learn how to counter or get a bigger brother. I know, it is difficult to love many of your fellow creatures - especially the human ones, but doing so makes it easier to love yourself - less to be ashamed of in your past, less guilt. Remember the objective of the relationship, and turn away from anger - that seems to be a reptilian brain function, not one of the human nor divine spirit.

Home, happy but so tired...

It is over five hours to Medical Lake from my home, I had already had a full day on Friday, so when I pulled into the Lone Pine Range parking lot there wasn't much, except dark and turn the Caravan off. It was after midnight and seven o'clock was on the way. Later just enough chill to wake me, I would curl up in the mink blanket and fall back to sleep.

I wake about six and see 06en pull in with the trailer of target stands and backers, he is a life saver, he makes and shares coffee. The Shoot Boss, Prescott, comes in and we talk and start setting up. Prescott was up from Oregon for business and could cover the Appleseed, we had all worked together before, we try and get all our current political views out of the way, talk about other Red Hats and upcoming events.

I have the Firing line and advise the arriving shooters where to place their mats, rugs or chairs on the equipment line, we have two popup shelters and a pair of sisters bring one. Thirteen shooters, four family units and some very unfamiliar firearms, for the shooters anyway. Morning and afternoon of the first day - we, the Appleseed cadre, think we are behind because of too many words and too many mechanical problems. Still, all instruction is presented, lunch, and we see a lot of progress by the last Redcoat target of the day, a lot of progress.

I ask the range host, Jack (former Marine) about some place to eat a nice meal, and couldn't find it. I come back to the Range and sleep the night away. Waking for Bursts of high Lightning and rolling thunder, scattered rains.

06en gets coffee going again, he slept in his auto, too. Prescott arrives and we start the set up. There will only be six returning shooters, lots of room, and of course two of the instructors will want to get some trigger time. I as always want to make sure the shooters are not short changed by my wanting to shoot targets, so I will maintain the professional, helpful cool. Nice to see the SKS and .308 make some noise.

Most of the shooters, are getting better, but it is difficult to put a whole successful AQT together under the clock with ammunition and mechanical problems. Since it was a review day the Time
Monkey never showed up, all training objectives were met, several of the ladies were close to a Rifleman score, but only one man made his Rifleman, twice. I got some homemade cookies to munch upon and we have been sipping water steadily. The Sun is hot. Finish scoring targets, as the final Redcoat is fired and clean up commences.

Say our good-byes, hoping that everyone has a safe trip home and that we will meet at another Appleseed one day. Jack has a shotgun competition started at 4:30 and we are rolling out just after four.

It is a long way back home, seems to speed by faster, but that isn't so and the Pass is clogged with others that were there first - I liken it to a clogged artery - do red blood cells have extra stress when held back by traffic? I do get a Whopper and large black coffee to wake me, until finally I am home. I lock my car, go in and great my wife, who is happy to see me, a smile and a kiss and I am shaving and showering and sleeping. Nice bed, sheets the Blues on the radio, only ten-thirty.

What do you do when your wife slides a newspaper comment on your desk?

From when you looked good, had a job you liked, felt needed and important? Doesn't happen to you, well, you wouldn't want everything I get blest with... The News Tribune (Tacoma, WA) page 81, dated July 27, 2008. Hmm, maybe I should go hunting this year.

Looking at old Library Keeper blogs, this was great: ABC of me, thanks to Breda,

I know there isn't anything of interest in me worth writing but since my choice was about the Lotto tickets or filling in my blanks for the world, the small part visiting I thought I would follow Breda, fine pistoleeress that she is (why yes I made that word up, but so have hundreds of others before me-it is a perfect noun for Breda, even if she is several hundred rounds behind me in shooting - I do have years on her). Anyway, although Breda gave me the idea, the Armed Canadian convinced me to spend the time.

Airborne, Army, Awful -- oh, accent, you didn't notice but I will drop a y'all on ya, along with yens and youse guys. But that is just playing, I speak like the television news fellows and color my speech with emotion when riled, Minnesota, Ohio, Pennsylvania then North Carolina.....

Breakfast, yes, daily, old fashioned oatmeal nuked in microwave, raisins, crushed walnuts and almonds, 2% milk, mixed with medications and black coffee. Wife spoils me on weekends with eggs and such.

Chore I don't care for - wasn't that why it is called a chore? Trapping moles comes to mind, I don't take any pleasure in it, and have to be really pushed to go out and set the traps. But have done it before and will do it again, but would rather reach a negotiated settlement (but have more faith in winning the Lotto).

Dog or cat - have had both in our home over many years, we gave up - since my wife and I have two very different ideas of the place of animals in our world, and different methods of training the poor humans taking care of the animals - we gave up after giving up my son's dog. Too much heart break. I would love to have a harrier to jog with and my wife wants a toy something to smother with maternal love.

Essential electronics, my computer - did I mention I have three, two set up and one backup and I don't want to live inside them, but seem to sometimes too often?

Favorite Calogne? Whatever she is wearing that I only notice when I get nearer her neck - oh, for me? Old Spice after shave - no one ever gets that close to my neck that they would care and I don't wear it often. That bottle has been in this house about eleven years now.

Gold or Silver - I like both, have rings in various amounts, but really cold steel stirs me much more than gold or silver. Although I do think the real American Silver Dollar was a great coin to have in one's pocket.

Handbag? I wear a backpack for local motorcycling, or a messenger bag on my bicycle, but handbag, that is too metrosexual and young for a throwback like me - handbag? I am old but I am not dead.

Insomnia; I have been known to sleep through rocket attacks, my wife likes to stay up late and I like to get up early - but we both have different reasons for staying awake - and always a problem that we just haven't the best solution for --- yet.

Job title - officially: Library Associate, or hidden: Library/Archival Paraprofessional level 5 or personal one: The Library Keeper.

Kids: Had one lost one, had another and he grew up. The best reason for Earl and KC was the kid. Wish we could have been better bumblers, but still feel blest.

Living arrangements? Home in suburbia, married long time. If it needs adjusting my wife will let me know - loudly or with deafening silence (guess which is worse?).

Most Admirable Trait - I don't think I have one, or any that stand out - I think my two friends might have an answer to that but I don't want to get too proud of any of me - I do know the dark side.

Naughtiest Childhood behavior - escaping, broke out of my playpen by breaking the slats, jumped out of a second story window when I was four or five, ran away from home to join Castro in Cuba against Batista (the mountains slowed my progress to a halt and a retreat - it was only a three speed English racer and the night was dark), breaking into my home when my father locked me out as a teenager (was so proud of my son when he did the same when his mother locked him out).

Overnight Hospital Stays - only one, my first major motorcycle accident put me and my concussion in the hospital for recovery and observation. Lovely motorcycle and fool boy meet steel guard post - post wins!

Phobias - isn't that something you fear foolishly? Only long legged redheads that think I am something.... everything else I fear righteously. You can get killed out there.

Quotes - "You could be wrong, you've been wrong before."

Reason to smile - pure joy in the wonder of others and love and laughter.

Siblings - Sister, brother, sister and they are all doing well differently and the best they can beautifully.

Time I wake up - from 4:20 am early work day to seven am if I don't need to work for pay that day.

Unusual talent or skill - none, I am normal but broken in well.

Vegetable I refuse to eat - I am an omnivore - it is all food if it doesn't bite first, that makes me happy, I once didn't like lima beans and wax beans but then met C-rations and learned how bad they truly could be.

Worst habit - tapping on something or clicking a pen - I never notice. No matter what Breda says, Procrastination is an art, not a habit and I will perfect it one day when I get around to it.

Yummy stuff, watching a perfect Combined Arms attack or defense destroy a worthy enemy in combat. You either do know what I meant or you haven't ever been there, and both are fine.

Zoo animals I like most, human beings wandering the zoo, all the other animals should be free where I could enjoy missing them by my clumping along gracelessly. But we do visit zoos, sometimes, and watch the polar bears wear their fur off in frustration. Which might be why Animal Planet is so much more fun than the zoo.

See, it was interesting for me, but a bit boring for y'all. Bye!

Up way too early... so?

There must be something wrong in the world, and the coming end of what I thought I knew... must be close enough to wake me.

Looking around, watch BBC news, nothing happening there, some late night infomercials - buy, buy, bye!

I play a wargame and then open the blinds and windows to the new day.

Learned that the Blue Moon is the third full moon of four in a season, which happens so infrequently it is noted. The moon was looking good last night, although Tuesday was the FULL moon. I forever thought it was the second full moon in the month, which could be the same as the third of the four in a season, most seasons don't have four. I am so wrong about so much.

Time for breakfast then a walk, I am so behind any advancement towards a future will be progress. Have a great day.

The Face book alert signal calls..

As I slowly waken, I hear it again, and then again... life would be easier if I would turn it off, wouldn't it? And I would save electricity... remember how once we really turned off the un-needed lights and such? I am not getting up to race to the machine to see who made what comment on a post from the Far East where the Sun came up three hours ago... let alone New Zealand and from tomorrow....

I was thinking about how once we popped our own popcorn, made our own sandwiches, actually kneaded our bread dough, made our own doughnuts.... stuff we once did as part of our day, week and a life lived. Now? just buy it, it is easier. But all that time saved means time not spent with your children making their favorite food for sharing at Sunday school or public school.... oh, you don't do parties at school anymore? More life not lived, so sad.

Very proud of myself, I am down to one connected computer, connected to the internet anyway. And since breakfast is done the house is open and I have packed to go to the YMCA, the place where broken people gather to find something. Pickleball anyone? I say they are broken, but they aren't really, just I notice the limping, the vacant faces, the old folks sitting in the chair waiting for someone to say hello. The weight room is always pretty full, the mirrors on the walls double the number of participants watching their own image, unless they are spotting or coaching. Each person is complete - and unique - they bring the body they have and any aspirations and start moving, those with fewer aspirations move much less.

We even have television monitors to make sure you don't have to miss your favorite show... well, of the main news, Home and ESPN sports. Nice to watch Little League baseball, one doesn't even care who is President nor which party is being a fool in Washington, DC today.

Idle thoughts while making my way across the virtual pond, or lake or slow moving river - rowing, if I were a team player - but not, still I keep moving on and think of fat - it just sits there waiting for when one needs it, the starvation time, the time between meals, the time you burn energy from fear or freedom, burning energy to keep you at operating temperature, to provide the energy for brain function - although, it is so effortless to have brain function - not many really develop it, do they? More games, please, lots more games.

Well, time to turn this off. Take care of the virtual world and real one out there.... don't adjust your set.

Breaking free or accepting what I really am...

Yes, I purchased some reading glasses and I can really speed read again. It is good to have that fixed for my pleasure. Now I only made sure they fit my face and I could read better with them, and no other vanities were stroked in the gaining of these tools. I need to simplify more in my life, limiting calibers, tools, and such does improve my life.

I was so involved in my stories, that I didn't catch all those shows I once thought I had to have to KNOW what is going on. So, I am out of the loop.

A little light rain today, my wife went hiking for the second day of this week, and I dropped off three books and picked up four. My reserve books get me an email that only Microsoft can read, since they control my access to my email. I am sure the NSA, BAFTE, FBI, and many hackers of various note can read and collect my email. But getting blocked by Microsoft, I will thank the LORD for. Another link in the chains that bind me broken.

You didn't think things like Outlook, Hotmail, of Face book were built to make Earl a better person did you?

Shucks, my parents knew that there was little controlling me, and only nudged me in the proper direction and extracted promises of excellent behavior from me, since for some strange reason I thought I should honor my word to people that mattered. I would for all my life get into conflict and trouble for saying what I thought needed said - blunt force trauma if one isn't prepared to listen to Earl's view.

Well, I have purchased some Mountain Huckleberry ice cream, my wife loves me again, and I have two science fiction fantasy books, one story of Gettysburg and on view (philosophical) of America. Lots to read, I will allow y'all to get to it.  Summer reading program, ya'know?

I don't want to live in a world without love... so bye!

It seems Microsoft doesn't love me. Such a shame, one of my favorite solo games is by Microsoft. And they have done much in the internet/computer world that has made our lives better. But I am not willing to put up with their stupidity - because they don't love ME.  So, when my free Hotmail account, is no longer accessible to Earl, because he won't provide Microsoft with his telephone number or an alternate email address - they have cut me off.

So everyone is now free to email wmearl2@hotmail.com as much as you like for only Microsoft and the NSA or Homeland Sercurity will care to read what you wrote.  Lots of positive Christian thoughts, well mannered and well written poetry from everyone else, foreign languages and just cool baby talk will be appreciated. It will take them a bit to figure out that I know they don't love me and are just going to use me.

I am close to terminating my connection to the internet, I find that my  provider doesn't love me either - they just want my money, and then clutter up my screen with offers so stupid they annoy me. No love, I can leave.

Facebook now has a banner above it, where it came from I don't know. Could be a requirement from the Homeland Security folks, NSA or the Affordable Care Act - but sure enough they seem to want my telephone number, too.  Having played Castleville for far too long, I will have to leave that virtual refuge from bad government and worse merchandising. None of those seemed to love me either - they just wanted to use me to sucker my friends in (to help me, of course). Sad, I once looked forward to doing some neat stuff, but then I couldn't do it my way without BUYING lots of empty advantage. Sigh. No love there.

There is a program on television with a clip floating on the internet (so it may not have been successful). It is like Candid Camera with a big edge. So two women, homosexual committed couple come to a diner with their children and a waitress is offended and offensive about their life choices. This could never happen in New York so they had to go to Texas to find such a bad waitress. So the waitress stays on message and starts to make the world a terrible place - offering no love to anyone in the entire diner. Several men (?) quietly attempt to deflect her actions, muffle her stupidity and enjoy their own meal.  Now the two women are, like the two children highly paid actors, and don't you know the waitress is also an actress. No love anywhere - you can be paid to act stupidly, rudely and without love - and still they won't call you a prostitute. Nor will they call the peddlers of smut like this what they really are.... but they had no love for any of the people in the diner.  Not being in New York, one of the armed rednecks got up and shot the waitress once.

Well, it would have been more entertaining and dramatic. No, it didn't happen. But then the lawyers hadn't presented their suit causing all kinds of emotional distress watching their quiet meal disappear in an effort to promote stupid television. I should turn off the internet and the television - could raise my vocabulary, IQ and sense of harmony with the world.

It is sad living alone without love, but some of the places I went for entertainment became a certain reality - and they didn't have any love for me.  Don't think I should pay for their darkness entering my soul.


It is so easy to kill, and I know that only I hold me back.  My wife has been a big influence on my not killing many people, she never seems to give me her permission.  But today because she was offended by my not wanting sMothered by her efforts to keep me presentable in public - she said I can go on my own. Sigh, the last loving thing she said to me....

Great Day in the real world, almost...

I had to go to the park early to help reserve a picnic area or two for the Tacoma First Baptist Church games. I was the second man there and the park is quiet and beautiful.

By eight, other men are arriving to be in charge and make things happen, we help, and slowly get sent to the out lying area. Works for us, more set up, wives and families start arriving as the set up gets much closer to accomplished.

Not all the church members are going to be there, but it is interesting seeing a couple of the young Korean American men, asking me about my Airborne service - not realizing I had my belt buckle blazing away at them. But you have to be Army or airborne to have made the connection.

I wore my kilt in public, ha, ha, ha. Never realizing how tough we make it for little girls to wear such foolishness and still be lady-like. I confirmed to the Koreans that I am just an eccentric old American. Thank you, working hard at that.

After prayer and dedication my wife led the stretching and warm ups, some of the vets said she had picked up my drill sergeant manner well, I had to point out she taught Tae Kwon Do for years and don't think she doesn't know what she was doing.

I got a lot of time in playing with a buddies' grandsons, Julius and Justice, they are definitely being led into manhood well, completely. Did some talking about television network support systems, shooting, and work and family. Lots of kidding, laughing and playing games or just watching those much younger work hard at it. A very good time.

Cleaned up and went home, happy, in the day.

No, Mr. President, it isn't a phony scandle

We know who killed the Ambassador, and three other Americans in Libya. They are all close to the President, because while drones strike in Pakistan, Afghanistan and Yemen - none are striking in Libya. So, the President is protecting them, I am sure he has his reasons.

But about his activities in response to the attack - those are all his. He did answer the call, they needed to get his response to the attack. He told them to call the Secretary of State - she was called. She had no power to project - that all is given to the President. He is the one that can send the 82nd Airborne world wide, or launch Nukes. No one else in the White House. A whole lot of staff to assist him, but he is the one.

You don't have to ask anymore questions about that attack nor the response. It is a done deal, this is the Commander in Chief. He took all the actions he needed.

After the attack and the successful Presidential response it was needed to show the world the President and his agencies knew what was what and were on top of it. The terrible YouTube video was paraded around - it was guilty. For sure that was what happened. The President does not allow lies, nor no response to important facts about how Presidential he is.  He is in charge, he said that was what happened and he made sure you knew that he knows.

Now, the media, has decided - through checking with their bosses that there is no smoking gun involved. After all they were armed with American provided weapons with limited destruction potential - mortars and rocket launchers and automatic rifles and machine guns. Like the ones the President will arm the Syrian rebels and terrorists with... like the ones in Egypt. Do I see a pattern?

If I am still alive when President Obama is no longer the President, I will write a short History of his service to those enemies of what was once the United States of America. Or, you could write your own, there isn't much hidden about what is going on... just sounds differently in the news.

I am so disappointing, or is it I am so disappointed, or what...

Yesterday I couldn't start my motorcycle, the battery was low, couldn't find my charger, my wife had helped organize my piles of stuff.  Not her fault, she doesn't see my world, she sees hers. That her world is out of order is to be fixed.

I finally found the charger, hooked it up, charged the battery.

Today, I thought I would shoot my pellet pistol at a target in the back yard. No joy, no pressure, it sounds like it leaks. Dried out from years of non use.... okay, get some oil and maintain it a bit. Then try, try and try again.  It does seem to be doing better, now if the shooter would just shape up as well.

It was fun, but I kept looking over my shoulder to see if the neighbors were going to complain. Kept looking over my shoulder - why? Fears from the media, of course, I couldn't imagine this on my own. This is not the first time I have shot my pellet pistol in my yard - I did it in 198? in Fayetteville, North Carolina. Didn't look over my shoulder at anything.

So maybe I am just a frightened old man, or maybe I think 'they' are out to get me, or the fools have my attention --- when I should be focused on the target and placing those shots and having a fun time. A very safe fun time.

You don't shoot? well, you ought to, just so there are more of us looking over our shoulders.

Review 2 GUNS and Bunker Hill

I have finished reading Bunker Hill: A City, a Siege, A Revolution by Nathaniel Philbrick, Warner Publishing Large Print.  Centering around Doctor Warren, Boston and what wasn't but should have been if they had been politically correct. It didn't read smoothly, not a great story, but still I liked the details I hadn't found on my own before. Great telling of the Battle of Bunker Hill, for both sides. Again, for those limited to the public school education, this is an enlightening book.

I am becoming convinced that modern Historians spend too much time deciding that people long ago were short sighted, selfish and just wrong. Having lived my life I never want to see someone write the History of it, it would be confusing. So you die and go to Heaven, and when you get there - it isn't just Judgement you face, but you have to read the History written by some good angel that never worried about dying, making a living, nor growing up and old. Not enough common reference to understand why you lived that way.

I do recommend reading it, but then I always liked General Gage and General Washington, and loved reading about Doctor Warren.

I went to see 2 GUNS yesterday, it was an entertaining Hollywood effort to get men to the movies, it had lots of guns, bare breasts, hidden agendas and horseplay. They managed to make banks, small dinners with great doughnuts and SEAL teams look bad.

If you ever wanted to understand why the world thinks guns are terrible, this is a perfect example.
Two undercover agents manage to destroy carefully crafted bad business practices of the drug lords and CIA - the universal message is that one can't trust anyone they are sleeping with or doing road trips with, or are being paid by. Can't trust anyone over twelve probably.

Just when you were sure the Federal Reserve had a handle on inflation - in Dillinger's Day a ten thousand dollar bank robbery was an event. In today's world it has to be  43.125 million - just the results of inflation. Bigger better, more  bodies and more incompetent tactics and complete lack of a personal value system.

I enjoyed the movie, because it is ALL fantasy, gratuitous gun violence and meaningless quips.

Pardon me, I am dying of an incurable degenerative condition...

Seems that I went jogging on the last day of July and the funny feeling in my left hip snapped into an extreme cramp - a horizontal cramp. I had no idea I had any horizontal muscles in that area, and I will only acknowledge the pain, not a muscle going the wrong way. But twelve minutes into trying to be a little more fit, my struggles were over. I limped home, thinking Fred Sanford has nothing on me. Since I had time I started thinking about falling apart a bit at a time...

 I was upset since I wasn't going to get my 5k jog done, and I am keeping records for motivation. Still, I did take me and my better half to the YMCA, and for unknown reasons - sitting on my behind doesn't bother the cramping area. So I knocked out 10 kilometers on the rowing machine in about fifty minutes. Then went to the bicycle machine and did 13.5 miles in another fifty minutes then I showered and found twenty-four ounces of hot black coffee to sip upon until my wife finished her time in the water. Maybe I should find my swimming goggles and start swimming instead of jogging? Then if I get a cramp I can just silently sink to the bottom of the pool?

When I was the skinny kid in this fine picture, sitting on the well cap with my keds, blue jeans and Dale Long t-shirt, I was always dreaming of when my arms would be muscled and strong like my father's and the other working men I saw around me. I wanted hands with veins and tendons and strength, a working man's hands

 I guess one should watch what they wish for, since there are ways that make things happen. Like being thin, I have never seen a picture of my father from his time in the Pacific in WWII, but I would bet he looked a lot like I did in Vietnam after filling sandbags and computing firing data and hauling rounds to the guns. I did have a really good tan, but I couldn't have double-timed two miles during that tour, swimming in the river was all my recreation. I was just a tad bit bigger than a VC.

I would get shin splints in both legs during Jump School after. I had to put some really strong liniment designed for horses to smear over my legs in the morning to make it through the PT.  Limping was a sure way out of the Division and parachute training.

As I sipped my coffee yesterday I looked at my hand and went through the martial arts positions with it that would help me destroy those that have no idea how truly bad I am. Laughing at my pretensions, so bad. I could tell you I really am awesome in death dealing, but I happen to know the price one pays for being dangerous to society - and I love knowing that I am still in the controllable category of  "maybe we shouldn't have designed him that way" - plus I am suffering from that disease I mentioned in the title.  LIFE, and living it with love seems to be the best cure for all that ails me. I do keep asking my wife how we got so old, but she knows we were blest.