Self Portrait today... what do I think of me.

As I was finishing my walk today, my wife was driving off to work, I waved, she stopped on the road, powered down the window on the CTS I bought her and maintain, and as I shouted a hurried but happy "I love you!" she answered with "Will you vacuum today, please?" smiling before she drove on off. It is over you know.

No longer the guy worth marrying for building a family, protecting one from the evils in the darkness or just common predators and pests. Doesn't even jog now, just walking. Just tell him to vacuum, and just in case she didn't see me, she left a note on the counter in the kitchen. Sigh.

Another blogger/photographer/birdwatcher and many more things had a self portrait posted on Facebook, which prompted my picture of me and this post. Who do I see myself as? Well, the teenage tough with a cool black leather jacket and a Harley-Davidson - is long gone, but I liked being him, having his friends and enemies. The wannabe warrior in his early years of service, just loving that Army stuff, the challenges, the heroic stuff and the boredom waiting to do it again, better and badder. That naive fool, is long gone - but he was trying, really trying.

Somewhere exotic I found the drug and sexual revolution and found it revolting, I didn't seem to be able to drink well either. How Love snuck up on me and I ended up part of a married couple? If you don't believe in magic, well, I do. I got married, stopped drinking and smoking and concentrated on being a fine paratrooper. Ah, the Army in its wisdom shipped me off to become a Drill Sergeant, and it was interesting, rewarding and as long as it was my way - I loved doing it.

By then, about thirty some, I was a professional Non Commissioned Officer (NCO), running marathons and raising a son, when I had some time. I finished my BA, learned a bit of German and got ready to return to the States, and I wanted to be a First Sergeant. Someone messed up and lost his position, and I got called back from my leave to grab the job. It impressed my father that the Army was calling long distance to get me on a phone. I took the job, went to Fort Sill, Oklahoma and pinned on my own stripes because it was time, my battery was jumping onto their howitzers and prime movers that I had pre-positioned. Great three years, some of my happiest, I was playing D&D, and I impressed my paratroopers because I made them use the sidewalks let them carry exotic knives and go to schools and jump and hot to go to Grenada. It was great, but I am no longer that hard working, caring and leading from the front.

Sergeants Major Academy in Texas, three tough months of training crammed into six months. Then off to Korea, working with the Koreans, another language (quickly lost after departure), hosting my parents meeting my wife's culture and family. My son continued to break bones with his skateboarding, and his Korean experience convinced him that he was American.

Back to the 82nd Airborne, and the same battalion building that I had visited as a younger leg sergeant back from Vietnam. What goes around comes around. It was good, got to be in the first ground troops into Saudi Arabia, for speed bump duties. It was hot. The wait was long, the war was quick, and first in first out, thank you President Bush, anytime -- All the Way!

One more tour of Germany, and find myself getting old and out of touch with the Army and its goals, so different than my own. I do have to admit that my mouth and written words were getting me into more trouble than I was worth, seems as I look back I was always too vocal and sure of my opinions value. I have been wrong before, likely happen again. I am no longer wearing a uniform, those days are long gone, too.

Then I ended up in libraries, telling stories, recommending reading, finding answers or information. That was good, even when I was working in the McNeil Island Corrections Center. I retired and rode off on a motorcycle, brown leathers, thank you. I was also shooting and instructing with the Revolutionary War Veterans Association, all the way to Designated Shoot Boss - again, a great time and I liked me a lot like that. But that no longer is me, sigh. I am resolved to be a nice guy, but it isn't as easy as once was. I will probably not meet all the expectations of those that want my attention, my wife, son, grandson, friends and family. But I am getting down to 'no longer the man I once was'. I keep remembering my grandfather in his chair, rubbing his chin, and my father with his strokes before my son went off to Rota, Spain. It happens slowly, but it happens.

I couldn't really tell you who I am, it won't be the same tomorrow. It isn't the same after I save and publish this post. Change is so uncertain but so sure.

What are you doing for adventure?

Just wondering here, since I have long held that true adventure is best when viewed over adult beverages in overstuffed furniture before a roaring fireplace on cold dark nights. Living one or two makes you appreciate that reptilian brain which kicks in to survive when it all goes to Hell in a handbag or your favorite phrase for PANIC!

Maybe it is the Soap Opera and Reality Shows that make me cynical about the news coverage of the Republican Primary "fight", knockout blow?, 'let's get right to this' (said with excitement in the reporter's voice). Come on, folks. It isn't that important. Most of us are going to work, fall into and out of love, grow older and hopefully wiser. The broadcasters must be happier than they seem, since tension, drama and uncertainty mean someone will be tuning in for information and professional opinions. Which means that the Networks keep their sponsors. Ask Rush Limbaugh about the importance of sponsors (actually, the audience one draws daily causes the sponsors to bring money to the table - as long as the audience remains the sponsors will return). The court of public opinion and Political Correctness will jump for joy over the idea that someone is going to fail, especially someone that drinks raw milk or carries a gun and the Bible. As the discourse has gotten uglier, the word choice of Everyone poorer, few are surprised by venom from everyone with a bit of passion. Or projected passion, for they have directors whispering in their earbud, word choice and acting. Not a real adventure, nothing to get excited about.

Yes, politics are important, whom is elected will make a difference -- as most of the world has noticed. As long as the people get to make the choice, that change happens and errors are accounted for and corrected - there doesn't need to be much blood drawn. In America it is only the throwbacks to an earlier era that believe in Honor. So, don't get too excited, and buy too much ammunition, or prepare for the coming collapse. Or, better yet, turn off the television and read the WSJ at your public library, daily. You will be late, but just think of the emotions that aren't going to be artificially washing over you between medicine show barkers. For those of another persuasion the New York Times is often available, too.

Then, go out and have an adventure, one where one does the unknown and uncertain - almost unsafe, just almost... don't go for impossible, because gravity rules, and mass has big problems stopping quick enough to avoid squashing organic materials after it gets in high speed motion. And go with the Lord, because if you really have to go, it is best if you go with God.

People don't really believe it could happen here...

When I am not listening to the Blues, I find myself drawn to Fox for commentary, and their primary advertisers are selling GOLD and SILVER, and sure enough they must be listened to - people are buying. Having been in countries where banks and bankers aren't trusted by the little guys - people do put their excess into gold. In Korea during a crisis the people were asked to turn in their gold and buy certificates for later re-purchase of gold. The government used that excess to pay down the problem and refinance and get through the troubles with the IMF.

One of the stories I loved from my father was his flying to Canada, and the passenger asked if he would like to come along to the Bank. At the bank they opened the deposit drawers and counted the Gold Coins, which had been stored there since Roosevelt outlawed them to make printed paper more valuable as a means of exchange in America. Doctor Ron Paul keeps saying we should go back to gold and silver (although there probably isn't enough) and the current price of oil and other stuff is artificially high because the dollar is sinking (or someone hears the water rising).

How much do you need? Tools, ammunition, gold, silver, breeding rabbits - for sure I have examples of currency issued by the United States that is TOTALLY worthless today! I have coins from countries that no longer exist, can't buy me love! But it could happen right here. Could.

Are you a target? a possible victim...

I hope not, but seems to be more questionable, shadowy types are haunting the bedroom communities and doing smash and grabs. No matter what industry they are pretending to be representing - they are bad people doing bad things to the unaware. I have heard that it is the fault of the victim, but since I heard it from convicted felons in prison I don't pay attention. But do you realize that they are just part, a violent criminal part of the entitlement society? They think you owe them a lively hood. They never go to where there isn't anything to steal.

Kind of like people that come to the United States to get qualified for SSI checks, one a month. It makes my wife upset, since she has noticed that they have successful families (normally working hard in business) getting their children into college and professions with excellent financial rewards, that promised when they sponsored their family members - that the family member wouldn't become a burden on this country. At least for five years, so what happened? She noticed because her Social Security check is smaller than their SSI check, and she doesn't get food stamps and housing assistance, fishing licenses and public transportation support and medical service.

I would bet, that those homes that don't seem to have loot unwatched, will not be hit by semi-professional thieves. Teenagers just looking, maybe, but not those that want larger rewards from their crimes. So there are not lots of people going to China or Vietnam for entitlements, and all those things one needs to survive. And being real Communist countries - they will take care of all your needs (in their time) when you finally find your way to the head of the line or become an productive asset.

One of the problems with being the greatest country in the world. The whole bundle of Western Democracies with Capitalist economies and great social services and supports have been under assault for years, and years. Each one has the problem and each has different answers or no answers.

As for being a Target, Rush Limbaugh has made himself a very large one. And he can't move fast enough to get out of sight and under cover. Once very long ago, when telling one of those war stories from Vietnam, in my mother's living room, with her present - I thoughtlessly used the F-word as an adjective. My mind went into shock, but my mouth kept pouring out the story and I have, ever since, made a mostly successful life of clean word choice. I am sure he will regain audience and advertisers, he does his talk show well - and if he tries to do it with more humor (real humor not the hurtful kind) he will remain successful. And if he doesn't, well, he can play bad golf and enjoy living on his investments. He is correct, our life choices are not something the government needs to steal money for... but it came out so badly.

And the seventh day He rested...

Sunday, started very well, and continued to get even better. The Sun showed up to tease us, before the storms and cold come in tomorrow. I spent most of my day reading about the Sisterhood of Dune, or ching slings, or whatever else interested me. Jazz all afternoon, and some great Blues tonight. Trying to think if I have anything to say, I did look into the Art Class they wanted help with at church, volunteer aide, I will have to reinvent my talents or teaching techniques - it is for kids. They may not want me, but I will volunteer anyway. Getting out is a good idea, the motorcycles were ganging up today, but it was leathers with sweaters and face masks. Still Spring is promised and worth getting prepared for. Time for Historic Sword Swinging and political ploys. Good Night. I did have a small win in the lottery... very small.

Well, did you see me on TV ????

I set off for Puyallup and the Elks to attend the Caucus to choose the representatives for the County Caucus of the Republican Party in Washington. I have never done this before, so I had my wife's admonishment not to try and be funny and her happiness that I was going out of the house.

I passed a big event at the Fairgrounds about sewing and stitchery lots of women attending. I did find the Elks, and smiled as I noticed the bumper stickers against so many politically correct attitudes. It was a long line in front of me to get inside, and I was in the slower moving line - not having brought my voting registration card, it has the precinct number on it. I stood behind three young men that were wearing Ron Paul stickers. They immediately noticed when he showed up and moved inside to address the group and his supporters. There were no OFFICIAL Spokespeople for Governor Romney or Senator Santorum, but Speaker Gingrich had one. They are the only ones permitted to speak for their candidate. No real problem, they all had supporters, but it was so much cooler to be at the Caucus that Ron Paul came to, and to get inside in time to hear him explain his positions, and the applause on his points supported.

So no matter how national media news is covering the results in Washington, the only numbers they have are the straw poll results. When I signed up as a voter from my precinct I was asked who I supported. I put down Ron Paul, others had their choices. That is the 'vote' that will be counted, I volunteered to be a delegate to the Pierce County caucus, cost me twenty dollars for the Republican Party card, and sixty dollars for my chair - there. There we will be asked again for information and choices, and will select the delegates to the State Caucus, where they pick the final delegates to the National Convention.

I did get excited about the energy, having watched union organized media events, these were real concerned folks - kind of like this is their only chance before TEOTWAWKI... I personally have NO FAITH in the political parties, but am still certain that candidates that really want to support a better America will have lots of people that normally don't participate helping now.

Thirteen people from my precinct, voted about what concerned us - for the party to think about as part of their platform. Two young men carrying babies, middle aged and old aged folks - all represented. America trying to heal itself. Y'all be good out there, we can get better.

Oh, I didn't see me on television either, but I was in the line they photographed and broadcast several times. Four years ago they had about a hundred voters, this year over five hundred - what does that tell you?

The first day of the first month of the year...

The real beginning of the year, as I wake from a sweat, dreaming of closing a library with worn linoleum flooring and having not enough baggage to carry all the really good books away. I think about turning over the calendars, paying bills and wondering where my mail has gone. My desk calendar tells me we are starting Daylight Savings before Spring - how will I spring forward? Will I winter forward? Checking the internet from last night, it snowed in Vancouver, Washington -- open my door and it snowed here, too, don't expect it to last much past dawn. But now I know why I didn't hear rain all night.

Among the thoughts was that stray one about in darkness is: why that boy, who will be tried as an adult, killed all those other students. Having shot my own computer, in my home (hollow points not being as terminal in computers as they might be in living flesh) I know where I find the reason he shot them. Wait, I don't really have an excuse for his behavior - I just expect better of it because of the culture, (the one I did not grow up in) but that has been laid upon real human beings by those that know what is best for everyone. I am sorry that anyone was shot and have died and I know that nothing will make it better.

Ask any cook, I would have said woman but that would be sexist (?), if you put soup on the stove and cover it - wander to distraction somewhere else - it might boil over before you get back. If you use a pressure cooker, which is so cool, if it doesn't have a release somewhere it could blow up - in the days of steam engines they watched for that stuff. My point being that no one allows young fool males to fight any more. You have an evolutionary design for males to fight for all kinds of good things, and then you put them in places and times and society where fighting is VERBOTEN! What results did you expect? There is no release, no way to let off steam. The other problem is lack of value of life, his own or anyone else's. He likely doesn't love himself.

When the society can proclaim that abortion isn't Murder, what is? Not that anything to do with reproduction rights are something I dwell on - but I have always thought that Post Natal Abortion would be proper, when the unwanted pregnancy problem gets to be eighteen, the mother and the problem go into a room with the bill for all the costs to the mother's life for the problems existence - and the one that walks out alive wins! No, I don't think much of abortion, it is too sad to think about at all, how did our society ever get to the point that sex was just an itch to scratch and never hurts anyone?

Don't you know, that if I (an old man) remain totally uncomfortable with women that display so much of their special charms where I bank, I am just always depressed by people that allow stupid bad behavior to destroy the beauty of babbling babies that poop too much, but smell so good when they are cleaned up and back to babbling?

And no, I don't think there should be a law --- I think you should know what is moral behavior - it isn't situational. There is a Right and there are Wrongs.