So how do you feel? it often isn't noticed is it?

Normal, one almost always feels normal. I work hard at trying to get back to that, except I really don't -- I figure that it is the new normal. Until I do something that hasn't been normal for a long time, and am loving that feeling, effort and the victory... hmm. Do we almost always ignore the signs of a problem, have illness we are not self diagnosing?

I listened to some folks discussing increasing nudity on television. American television, I have watched European television - they are so far ahead and you must be still growing up in a repressed society to marvel at people without clothing. Ask any really smart woman, does she present herself best with or without clothing, make up and accessories? But then I liked watching the coed volleyball game at the stone quarry where we had gone to swim and picnic. Lovely young lady and her male friend totally nude, enjoying the sun and the game. We didn't even hide the children's eyes from the behavior, it was only a game. We ate and went swimming. I wonder if my son remembers, he was about four or so, I remember. My problem with nudity and sex scenes on entertainment - is that it doesn't help the story, just wants a bigger audience following. Like folks that use bad language, in acting to make a point of character fine, but in real life - using it is insulting and rude to me, I don't have to participate.

Now, I don't have a problem with being nude, taking my clothing off in public, not being ashamed of Earl as I am no matter how much you want me to think I am degraded and powerless. I have more problem with not being beautiful when compared with some swift swimmer, but not enough to work it to perfection - and never enough to think about getting a doctor to clip and tuck and inflate... after all I am still Earl, very cheap, and always procrastinating. My physical efforts from Saturday's picnic and games caught up with me by Monday, I wondered and now I know. Makes me happy for the pain.

My biggest fun yesterday, was paying the bills, reconciling the books and having money left over and only the mutual funds to bring up to date. I was taking joy in counting my piles of plunder! They are only little piles, but as I shredded an unwanted and totally un-needed credit card from a company that had hurt my bank account long ago - I was ready to trumpet it to the WORLD! I liked looking a the old statements and adding up quickly the amount of money paid in interest would have purchased a new rifle and boxes and boxes of ammunition. Or purchased something my love wanted, so deep in her heart, the possibility is great when you don't give the government nor the banks so much for their pretending.  to want to help you into a happier future. Now for debit cards, or credit cards you pay off immediately every statement - that is wonderful as a means of lightening your wallet or purse - cash is clunky and bulks in bill bundles. I have enough excess weight I carry around as it is, still looking for an anti-grav gun.

The problem with credit is the burden you don't feel responsible for... but you intend to pay off. But what it buys makes you happier today! And if you don't notice the change in your life, your relationships and your future. The chains are forged and they bind bitterly. But you didn't notice, right? Don't worry, everyone does it in America, we all have debts and live happily on instant gratification. It makes up for not being a hero, handsome and healthy. Come to think of it, the entire country is built on debts, that we should pay off one day, and then we realize we aren't going to be getting a better job, a bigger pension, a COLA raise... and the interest on the interest. Then bankruptcy, insolvency, and uncertainty... but the dreams were memorable.

And you still have to breath, and feed your face and earn your place. So get up and get going. For your own good I hope they won't lend you anymore ever again. I don't want you to starve, just work and rebuild on your efforts, merit and potential best. You could not only look like one of those swift swimmers, you could win a place in the race. God bless all your best. I know how that will feel.