Expert testifies...

I was sure I was going to be an expert on procrastination, but never got around to it. My father shocked me when he told me in his elder years that he wished he hadn't procrastinated so much. I couldn't remember anything that he didn't get done when it was time, but he must have. But I find that I am getting real good at alienating those that I care about. So I am not getting called, talked to, advised or helped along my way. It isn't anything to be too concerned over, when people get prepared to leave for other places, jobs, missions or relationships there is often a lot of blame going on for the friction and drama and trauma. Years later, if you have time to forgive them for your hurt, try to remember to apologize to them for theirs - like all communication, it only works if both parties are working on it, not just one. Kind of like waiting for God to tell you when your end is near, have you been telling Him it is time?

Part of feeling apart is the change of personality or actions and reactions, my wife finally said that I wasn't the same guy after Vietnam that I had been before... okay, but where is that coming from. I think I know, part of this drive to get back to VA and get more disability, I am of the opinion that I am fine - but I even like me. Her friends have husbands with long lists of things wrong with them, that they receive disability payments for. Sorry for them, but there is an entitlement mentality that says you have to take it to make it... or something like that. I think if I needed it I would get it, but I am not in need. Of course as I get older, and tears come to my eyes over memories or touching my tender spots, people around me won't understand - I suppose I should be overly medicated to function like a happy fellow, but I am happy. Just alone.