So how should I reward myself...

   February was a very good month, and I did ride rather well at the YMCA, getting a free team shirt that declared me as TEAM CAPTAIN, XL of course. I wasn't the best nor farthest rider, but I was in the lead a few times before things got serious and I fell into olde man mode. That is where I hide not doing my very best for many reasons, although the reason I am not my best is often because I am really getting old in all but my best features like love and wonder and smiles and laughter. Anyway, as I was interviewed for another wonder - the YMCA Member of the Month, I will get my picture posted and a brief statement of how the YMCA is an important part of my life - better than that bottle of rum I am mixing with my warm milk for the evening.

   I thought having a lovely young lady take my picture and ask me questions was reward enough, whatever they print my mother would love to see, to save and to share with all her friends. My mother loved when she thought I did something well. Especially when it was a bit tougher or different, or something she approved of... that was a challenge. I was always different, until I found others just like me, for various reasons. And often I did things she would never approve of, and I would always know without asking.

   Anyway, in my idle thoughts of I deserve something for being wonderful me (I don't really think that, just an excuse) I was toying with stopping for a mocha at a bikini barista place - there are two on my way between the YMCA and home, sometimes they do wear only Victoria Secret dainty things, lovely to see from afar, but I am adverse to exposure of more skin than I need for coffee or money or automobile sales - and since my whole sexual life is either in sin or my marriage I am adverse to sinning more than I can withstand. Although temptations are exciting, I would rather watch pole dancing for the physical effort and talent -- not for erotic arousal. So that was all out.

  Next choice is to get a couple pints of great ice cream, and we have some great ice creams - but being an olde fat man really wishing I was able to do more and better at what was once in my life so easy, I know that every added ounce of fat is holding me back from being my best. So I have to deny myself the temporary pleasure of a spoonful of ice cream, because one leads to two, leads to three, leads to a suddenly a brain freeze and an empty ice cream container -- the stomach is very elastic and will grow to what it holds plus juices.

   I get home, an empty home, without buying liquor, ice cream or fattening foods. Although there is a very full house with nourishment for Koreans and some American staples.  Peanut butter, butter on bread works.  I watch the movie StarShip Troopers, and love the naked showers and gratuitous sexual scenes - but then want to read the book again, cause Hollywood ruined an important story in my life of reading, and I need to wash it out of my mind, and am. I know it is a different medium, film to book and back, but if you don't understand what the book was about, you can't really make it into a movie.